lol. kind of getting a dog tomorrow? 

in other news. living in God’s kingdom apparently means turning the world upside down and doing things that don’t make sense but somehow completely do. 

I am just so… content. :) 

(don’t worry, I will post many pictures of Thor (yes) in the coming weeks.)

What an unbelievable crazy day you are.

25ths just became rather special days to look forward to. :)

I think “geez, I’m kind of terrified right now” and this is the next thing to scroll up on my dashboard. 

(Source: wemadeyoubeautiful)

Serious though,

i’m dying right now. 

that unexpected message just made my heart do funny things. 

Also: Lisa K. and Sarah C. filling my house with infectious laughter, Michael filling it with food, and some other favorites filling it with music for our Lord, is a pretty solid way to spend a Thursday night.

Today I received a box of boxes of after-eight mints, an alehouse t-shirt (plus bomb pizza and beer), TWO awesome star wars gifts (an X-Wing moleskin and darthmaul chopsticks!), a Dietrich Bonhoeffer book, and the lolcat bible. NOT TO MENTION AN AMAZING SURPRISE PARTY (at which I got to see almost all of my favorite people, actually talk to my estranged neighbors, and lose two games of rummykub!) 

Seriously though, I have the greatest friends and family. 

Thank you for blessing me so much on my birthday, you guys. I would be so much less without you. 

[note: the important thing about the “list of gifts” is how incredibly thoughtful and related to me they all are. no single thing that I was given today had a big price tag and a little thought. and I have never been more happy.]

Other Note: extra crazy gift/challenge from God today—the neighbor who walked a demon into our house not three months ago asked me, with deep sincerity, if he could come check out our church and maybe start coming with us. And made plans to do so. Un.freaking.real. 

This song is called Emma. I stumbled across it 20 minutes ago on Spotify. 

Its messages:

Don’t be afraid when you’re sad. 
Don’t be afraid when it’s cold or dark. 
Don’t be afraid when you’re hurt. 
Don’t be afraid of your belief.
Don’t be afraid, my warrior bride. 
Daddy’s here.
I will keep you warm and hold you tight.
I will always patch you up and give you love.
Fly. Your eyes will continue to be opened.
Your battle is won and victory is sure.
And, most of all, You are not Alone.  

“Look beyond the window there,
to the sky above, to the open air.
Look beyond what you can see,
close your eyes and just believe.
The Lion roars and the lamb lays down, 
they live together in a whole new town. 
They’re calling me and they’re calling you,
from the cold hard facts that we’re on our own,
to the age old truth that we’re not alone.” 

unkaglen:

Dear Satan,

Every now and then I find myself really freaking out about a certain sin. Like, THIS sin, this one is a game-changer. This sin says I’m not a real Christian, this sin says that God just can’t be okay with me. This sin just disqualifies me completely. But then I wonder, where do I get this idea? Where does it say that THIS particular sin is a deal-breaker?

Then I thought of you. 

I mean, you actually want to tempt me with something on one end, and then condemn me for it on the other end. Heck, I wonder how much time you spend tempting me to screw up (which I can do well enough on my own), and how much time you spend trying to get me to see my sin in a screwed up way? Heck, I can’t hardly think of any sin I’ve committed, where I haven’t swallowed every word of shame, guilt, and fear that you whispered in my ear about it. 

Isn’t it a sin to let you interpret my sin? Hmm? What’s that? You got all quiet there for a sec. Yeah, it’s bad enough that I mess things up, so when I do, I’m going to God, and I’m going to listen to what He says about my sin. And you know what? His words will set me free. His words will give me the wisdom and strength to make changes. His words will give me comfort. And when He says I’m forgiven, that will be that last word on the subject. Period.

In Jesus name, 
Me

P.S. Suck on that.

Cory, over at Mad to Love, recently wrote vulnerably about his depression. Mine is something I’ve always been pretty open about with people I’m remotely close to, but since growing out of my “angsty early teen phase” (as I like to call it) I haven’t spent much time talking about or writing about what it actually feels like, just the fact that it is there. The following excerpt from Cory’s blog really spoke to my heart. These are good, good words. And not words spoken (or reblogged) in order to garner sympathy, but to simply be revealing, authentic, and honest. The chemical imbalances that cause clinical depression are also much more common than we’d like to think, so encouraging a more wide-spread knowing a little bit of what “the depressed” suffer can bring us all closer together. 

corycopeland:

Depression is explained simply as a chemical imbalance within the human brain. But, in my experience, depression takes upon many forms and possesses many reasons for showing itself. Ever since I was 13 years of age, I’ve been burdened with an inherent sadness that seeps deep within my heart and leaves me close to tears more often than not. It weighs heavy in my heart and causes an aching for a peace that may never come. There isn’t a particular or tangible reason I suffer from this affliction. I had a beautiful childhood and adolescence, filled with a loving and laughing family who cared for me and provided for me to the best of their abilities. I wasn’t bullied, nor was I left alone or ignored. I had friends and was active in sports, doing all the things a “normal” functioning teen would do to lead a fulfilled life. But perpetually, it all meant so little compared to this heavy weight I carried in my chest almost constantly.

Solitude called to me as I spent hours alone in dark rooms (using reading as an excuse), simply wanting to be left alone so I wouldn’t have to offer explanations of what was wrong. I was conflicted because being alone magnified my wretched feelings of absurd assumptions, which in turn haunted me with suicidal thoughts and plans, but being alone was the only way I felt safe somehow. Going to church or to school, or even out in public at all, meant putting on a brave face and a shining smile—something I hated doing because I felt like such a fraud. It was tiring.

Cory’s post makes me want to write more about my own depression, the place that God has had in my dealing with it, and the struggle it can sometimes be to have depression in the church. I think I’d like to sit down and do that, but I’m working on a painting today that I need to get finished first. I highly recommend reading the entirety of Cory’s post, if you’re at all interested. And know that it isn’t hopeless. Depression is manageable. The Lord never allows us to be afflicted with something that we cannot conquer in his power and guidance. It’s just a walk. And often times a very difficult one. But never hopeless. Never. 

I could think of tonight as:

“Tonight, October started with my completely wasted—high off weed and drunk off beer simultaneously—neighbor wandering into my house and bringing the devil with him with words that are the most intensely personal persecution I have ever faced. Lord, help me fight this terrible beginning to the tenth month of 2011.”

Or, instead, I could remember tonight as:

“Tonight, October started with three of my dear friends, one of my dearest dearest sisters and two solid brothers, standing beside me in the storm of the forces of evil, holding my hands and bringing me through the gale winds. Thank you, Lord, for the laughter and joy of your family—MY family—in the midst of fear and shadow. Thanks for starting October with brightness which the darkness cannot even understand. You are triumphant and so, in turn, am I.”

Tonight was, and is, the second. Hands. Down. 

I can’t remember who thought this was a good idea. But it’s happppennnning. First big long blog post in a while. I won’t always cross-post these here, but since its the first in what’s looking like a series, I thought I might.

Why the Fascination?